Saturday marked the one year anniversary of the day we first met our
LittleMan. I can’t imagine a day of my life without him. What seems
strange is that sometimes I think, “Wow, it’s been a whole year
already!” and other times I think, “Wow, it seems like he’s been here
forever.” I actually frequently forget that he hasn’t been with us
since the day he was born. He is just so much a part of our puzzle
that it seems like there is no possible way he could have ever been
missing from it.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. Laying eyes on him as his
foster mom carried him to the door. Feeding him. Tickling him.
Watching him get his coat to go “bye bye” with us as we were leaving.
I think what I remember most was walking back to the car with Brian
looking through his glassy eyes into my glassy eyes and saying,
“That’s our son.” He said it with such confidence. It wasn’t a
question. It wasn’t a hope. It wasn’t a wish. He knew. He knew.
I played the skeptic. The one who was going to keep us grounded. The
one who knew far too much about ‘the system’ to think that it was
really going to be that easy. The one who knew that for this to all
come together was going to take a miracle. I was the one who said,
“We can’t get our hopes up. We shouldn’t get too attached.” They were
all words. Just words. In my heart, I knew he had to be our son.
But, these excuses were my way of trying to prevent the devestation
that would come if things didn’t go the way we prayed they would.
But, what still brings tears to my eyes everytime I think about it, is
that LittleMan knew. He KNEW we were his parents. His foster mom
warned us that he ‘takes a long time to warm up to strangers.’ Within
minutes of our arrival he was in our laps. In his 7 months with the
family he had never taken his backpack and shoes to the visitor
leaving the house. None of this was a coincidence. He KNEW from that
very first visit that we were his parents. I have no idea how that is
possible at two, but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that whatever he
felt from us was different than what he had felt from other adults.
What we didn’t know that day was that it was the beginning of our family’s story.
We were making a memory that would last a lifetime.