BabyMan has taught me so much about life.
1. Patience- Because making a colic-y baby burp at 3am takes a WHOLE lot of it! But, mostly because waiting on caseworkers, judges, biological parents, paternity tests, hearings, etc. etc. has taught me to hurry up and wait.
2. Trust- He is trusting us to meet his needs. To advocate for him. To love him, with all that we have. So we are learning that we too must trust. Trust God. Trust judges. Trust caseworkers. Trust Children and Youth. Trust that they all have his best interest at heart and that the outcome will be what is best for HIM.
3. Sacrifice- I’ve learned very quickly that NONE of this is about ME. It’s not about what I want. It’s not about how much time, energy, love and resources we invest in our son. It’s about HIM. So it’s my job to give and give and give until it hurts, but realize that I may not get what I want in return. I may not get my forever son. But, I’m learning that regardless, this sacrifice is worth it, because he deserves NOTHING but the BEST.
4. Perseverance- OK…haven’t quite learned this one. But, beginning to realize that this is a lesson he will teach as we ‘wait.’ We will feel defeated, we will get knocked down. Just after we jump through one hoop, it will be time to jump through another. BUT, we will learn to persevere.
5. Hope- So much is going on in regards to his future and his life. Decisions are made for and about him. But, he is blissfully unaware. He looks deep into my eyes with those bright baby blues and long curled lashes and I can’t help but see hope. Hope for his future. Hope that this is all resolved before he is aware.
6. Selfless Love- For the first time in my life, I feel like I understand true love. What unconditional love is. I love my spouse, but I get love back. I get support back. I get foot-rubs, mid-day ‘thinking of you’ phone calls, and lots of laughs in return for my love. I love LittleMan. I get “I wuv you sooo much Mama”‘s in return. I get snuggles, kisses, licks, cheek rubs, bear hugs. I know I will get these things for many years to come. But, with BabyMan, that reciprocal love isn’t there yet. We may never see the fruits of the love we pour into him. That’s ok though. Because now I understand what it means to truly love.
What a gift he has already given. Who knew there was so much to be learned from a little nine pound bundle? In just 8 weeks I can confidently say that having him in our lives has changed us forever. He has taught us more than we could ever have hoped. He will continue to make us better people. We will continue to let him teach us.
Oh sweet BabyMan…..we love you. You’ve been here 8 short weeks and have already left your footprint.